Wednesday, April 29, 2009

These Are All Made Up #3

Last night I hear this intermittent rapping sound on my window. I look down and there's this impossibly little man staring up at my apartment. He's throwing pebbles, trying to get my attention. I'm all like "What the fuck". Through some basic hand gestures he makes it apparent he'd like to have a word with me. I throw on a pair of shorts and a tee and pop down to street level, see what the deal is. The little fuck throws a Molotov cocktail through my window and says "Your house is on fire". FML.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Tough Scientists




































Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Potential Desktop Wallpaper - Vol. 8

Songs Inspired by Shit Movies, pt. 12



Saturday, April 18, 2009

I Asked This Car How Old He Was

Friday, April 17, 2009

I'm Ordering At McDonalds for my Eight Year-Old Son Dylan, Who is a Werewolf

Stand right here. Right here. Give me your hand.

And stop fidgeting, the moon isn't even completely full yet.

Yes thank you. Uh - I would like a numberrrr...6? With A Sprite?




No, medium is fine. Thanks.

Hmm, maybe - Dylan? Would you like an apple pie? I'm going to get two but I can only eat one. Think you'd eat that other pie, bud?

No, it's just apple and sugar and spices. They don't make one with pig's blood.

Well I'm sorry, you're the one who insisted on McDonalds. What kind of Happy Meal do you want?



There is no "Half Dead Bloodied Baby Lamb" Happy Meal, Dylan. Behave yourself.

No they don't have that, either. Stop it. Just tell me what you want: A cheeseburger or McNuggets?




Okay that's fine, after dinner - what do you want right now though?

Think about what they have at McDonalds, Dylan. You know this. Just tell me what you want from McDonalds for dinner.

Fine. My son won't be having anything AND he's not playing anymore X-Box until we have a talk with his father.

OH, SO NOW YOU KNOW WHA...STOP HOWLING! STOP IT THIS INSTANT! CUT....CUT IT! ENOUGH! DO YOU HEAR ME? ENOUGH!

I think that will be all for us, miss. This one here is starting to come a bit undone...

Dylan - I have to let your hand go to get into my purse. Can you be a good boy and not maul anyone for ten seconds?

Thank you.


How much do we owe you, Miss?

Okay one momen..
DYLAN!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

These Are All Made Up #2

The other day I'm at the local ski resort, swishing down the slopes, when a female Yeti gets my attention. She brings me over behind this big old sycamore and tells me a shady guy from the snow patrol has just sold her an eight ball of pure, primo shit. Claims it isn't even cut, that it's straight up rock. The whole time she's telling me this, she's rubbing my leg, like real high up on the thigh, making real deep eye contact. So obviously I get all horned up, and head back to her place to start fooling around. It's getting real heavy, and she says she wants bump up before we go any further. She goes and taps out four rails, rubs some on her gums. Nothing. Turns out it was baking soda. FML.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Here you go Iggy Pop


I just did you a favor and improved the way you look. Everyone agrees with me.

Skinwiches


NY Presbyterian Hospital: arm with heatrash, jewish sideburn with acne, lettuce, tan back skin, latex allergic finger, dandruff, hair, mayo, relish, mustard

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

These Are All Made Up #1

Met the most awesome girl today. Smelled real nice, looked fit. Took her home and romanced her until we had sex for a while. Turns out it was my dear old Mom. FML.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Hilarious Pics Pt. 10

[Photo taken from an airline cockpit]

Hilarious Pics Pt. 9

Wow this Curry is spicy!

Serious Lunch is LIVE This Thursday

Hello!

Your boyfriends from SERIOUS LUNCH are doing a set at Bowery Electric this Thursday at 8PM, with our friends The Dan Ryan.

It's such an intimate space, you guys. Get there early, and you'll be close enough to smell us. And we smell really fucking good.

Like really good. Like new J. Crew shirt mixed with Attitude by Armani good.

Cheap tickets, at the venue!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

WANT

OH FUCK: I WANT THIS

WANT THIS YOU GUYS