Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Passage


I just played Passage by Jason Roher. It was pretty interesting and unique. It's a good example of video game art, I definitely recommend it even if you don't usually play games.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

True Facts: Part B

In 2004, Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs took a trip four years into the future and played with an iPhone. While the touchscreen technology impressed her greatly, what really caught her attention were the large variety of applications available on the device. She wrote song about them called Apps.

Upon arriving back in 2004 (some question the fact that she actually time traveled. Most hypothesize it was a sleepy dream), she recorded Apps with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Not understanding what she was singing about, the other two members of the band decided to change the lyrics with the magic of mixing. They would trick her into saying a series of syllables and secretly record her. 'M' seemed to work the best. In the end, Maps became an indie hit.

Last year, when the iPhone 3G launched, Steve Jobs asked Karen O to re-record Maps as Apps for promotional reasons, referring to her "time traveling" days. She had no idea what he was talking about. Because who remembers dreams from four years ago?

The New Hotness

Uh oh you guys! Luckily I was able to find the new hotness:

Dawn of the Dead byDoes It Offend You, Yeah?

Happy Offers

Friday, January 23, 2009

Wirehaired Fox Terriers Held in Death of Local Squirrel


Eddie, 4 and Thor, 3 arriving at New York Superior Court
(Photo: Madge Gay for Serious Lunch)

NEW YORK (AP) - Concluding an extensive 48 hour search, authorities have apprehended a pair of purebred fox terriers whose brazen daylight murder of a local squirrel brought gasps of horror from dozens of witnesses and shattered the otherwise idyllic peace of a winter afternoon.

Four year-old Eddie Prancer and his brother Thor, 3, were arrested at their home in Maspeth early Friday, immediately following their morning poops. They had been sought since early Wednesday evening when the duo allegedly antagonized, then playfully slaughtered the victim at Juniper Valley Park in Queens. One witness, who didn't offer a name or an address, gave a chilling first hand account of the attack. "I think they thought they was just playing with it, you know? They cornered it up against a fence and kind of just worked it in tandem. Squirrel didn't have a chance."

The dogs were charged with second degree murder and are being held without bail, according to a statement issued by the district attorney's office. Police say they were alerted to the dogs' whereabouts by their owner Radoslaw Duca, 36, of Queens. "I'm watching the ten o'clock news last night when all of a sudden I see the boys on TV, is saying the police looking for them. Oh I get so mad, you don't know. I get up from the couch and I start yelling 'Where is you boys? I kill you myself'. But they're hiding under one of the beds, so I don't go under there to get them. Is dusty. I just call the police."

This isn't the first time the brother terriers have found themselves in the doghouse with their owner. "Last year I am looking all over for argyle socks my wife give me. Up and down the house, all the drawers are opening. You know where I am finding fucking socks? The boys have them in the den and are tugging with them, back and forth. Oh I get so mad, you don't know."

Mr. Duca wasn't sure if he'd take the dogs back, should they be acquitted. "Is too much money having the boys around. They only eat that fancy Eukenuba stuff - is ridiculous. I try to give them the cheap Alpo? They break into refrigerator and eat my steaks. Maybe now I can have some steak and not have to worry about hiding it from the boys."

Thursday, January 22, 2009

True Facts: Part A

Trent Reznor wrote the song "The Perfect Drug" for his dog, Harold. It was a love song to his K-9, originally titled "The Perfect Pug". David Lynch (also a fan of pugs) heard a demo of the song, and asked Reznor for a mastered version of it for the Lost Highway soundtrack. However the song was too similar to the Louis Armstrong ballad, "Me and My Perfect Pug are on Top of the World," so Reznor changed the lyrics to avoid a legal dispute.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Only Mild Success

This Post is Your Constant

Last night I dreamt of great things. This country is heading for change. CHANGE! No not because of yesterday's events. Because season 5 of Lost starts tonight, stupid.

Just for humor's sake guys (Humor Willis is Bruce Willis/Demi Moore's other daughter) let's recap the past 4 seasons, excluding major events and characters...for the sake of humor. GO!

-We're coming home on a plane crash!
-Jack tells stories about fucking up and unfucking up a surgery while being surgery'd on by Kate.
-Charlie's all H'd out
-Hurley eats.
-Sawyer calls people names.
-Shannon speaks french, Sayid gets wet.
-Jin is a dick.
-People tell Locke what he can't do...don't do that.
-Claire births, Boone dies
-Rose sasses
-Jin's pretty cool
-"WALT!"
-"We're gonna have to take the boy"
-Desmond is paranoid, Jack don't care
-Man of Science, Man of Faith! Man of Science, Man of Faith! Gooble Gobble!
-"Chaaaalie! Ya braakin ma haaaart."
-Tailies come and go, cept Bernard.
-Michael's a dick
-Others come and go.
-Rose sasses
-"Live togethz, die alonez, lulz"
-Hatch goes boom.
-Ben wobbles his head as he scares the poop out of whoever he talks to.
-Jack's tattoos mean so much. Thanks for sharing!
-Who the fuck are Nicki and Paulo?
-Rose sasses
-Losties kill crapload of others
-Not pen-nehs boat.
-Flash Forward... Whhatttttttt?
-"We have to go back KATE!"
-Chopper!
-"Pen-neh! Your ma constant!"
-Michael's back like Ma$e.
-Others kill a bunch of boaties.
-"Let's freeze the bomb on this boat, brotha"
-Boat goes boom.
-Bentham = Locke = Jacob?

Tune in tonght!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

This story made me LOL so damn hard

I hear you have a funny story about the first feature film you were in?
Ann Carr: I do. There was this screenplay. It was written by a friend of mine and he invited me to participate in a reading for it. Usually with these kinds of things, they go a few steps and then result in a dead-end. I’ve been in New York long enough that I'm a bit jaded, so I wasn’t expecting much. About a month went by and then one night, while I was out getting mojitos with my friend Adira, I got a call. It was this woman who said she was the costume designer for the screenplay I had read for and was wondering what my schedule was because she would like me to come in for a fitting. I was skeptical, so I said, "Well, this is the first I'm hearing of this. I haven't even spoken to the director, so I didn't even know about this." There was a long pause and then, "Sure, okay."

I mean, I don't even know what I’m committing to, you know? I asked her what role they wanted me to play and she said they weren't sure. By this point I was thoroughly confused. I was thinking: "You don't even know what ROLE you want me to play and you want me to come in for a fitting? Probably not a project I want to get involved with." So she said, "Tell you what, I'll send you an email with the roles we were thinking of."

The next morning, going through my emails, I found the one addressed to me from the costume designer with three sides attached. Except she signed off casting director, not costume designer. Confused, I googled her and found she was the principal casting director on several feature films. And she was calling me in to audition! I felt like such an asshole. I was so, so nervous for the audition and I was sure she would remember what a total freak I was on the phone. She was really sweet though. It's a funny story, but I'm lucky she was cool and the writer/director was a friend.

via Apiary


Friday, January 16, 2009

Andrew Wyeth RIP

That's one of my favorite paintings of all time

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

What You Can Do (4)


  1. Order some of this special Obama coffee.
  2. Brew and enjoy during next week's presidential inauguration ceremony.
  3. Scream "Yes I Did" after your first cup.

Hilarious Pics Pt. 8

Booked!!!! .......................Thank you.

Friday, January 9, 2009

I'm Trying To Convince A Parking Attendant That This Is My Reserved Spot

Well look at that: here I am, at my parking spot. It's got my name right on it. Right here on a little sign - Reserved for Abel Copeland. And that is my name.

You know...It's a good thing I don't have to spend hours circling the lot, looking for a place to park. That's not for me, friend. That's for the birds. You must know it as well as anyone. Shit, man...the things you must witness in here, day in/day out. I have some serious respect for you, friend.

I'm sorry?

Yes, my company has graciously reserved this space for me and my auto. On a semi-permanent basis. If I were ever to stop working for said company then, well...well then mister, they'd probably go right ahead and stop reserving it. Stop reserving this personal parking spot that I'm currently entitled to. But the last time I looked at my W2 it said I still work here, so...ha! Thank...I thank you for making sure this is my parking space.

It feels good inside of me to know that you're here sir, making sure people are parking correctly. One cannot simply park wherever the wind takes him. Make no mistake - I'm well aware of this. Well aware. And with this shopping mall right here, across the street? That all of the kids are likely to frequent? With their cars? God - I bet they just try and park their cars here, don't they...

::looks::

...Ramon.

That's so...just so wrong. If there is no parking at the mall, you should simply drive back home and wait for a better day to do your shopping. That way there's no silliness. No people parking where they shouldn't be parking.That's what my moral compass says at least, Ramon.

You know what? I think I'm going to go into my office now, where my company is. I'm going to go work for my company. I bet you must get all sorts of loonies who say a whole doggone mess of loony business when they park their cars here - right, Ramon? This building behind me ::points with thumb:: this is a building that's just chock full of loony bats, make no mistake about it. I should know, I have to work with them!

What's that?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME, RAMON?

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I KNOW YOU'RE NOT REALLY ASKING ME THAT

Alrighty, Ramon. ::wipes eyes:: You rock. So awesome. You are a man and your are a rock.

OK: you do what you gotta do - I need to be getting to my company now. So I'm going to leave my car right here in my designated parking spot and just get a goin', you feel me? It was a real pleas...




...I.D.?


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Hilarious Pics Pt. 7

I'm super tired.


You know?

Giant Blunder Alert

I went to the bathroom just now and noticed I'm wearing my underwear backwards and inside out! All day it was like this and I didn't even notice it. I swear I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my neck! Can you imagine that, someone extremely absentminded that also has a detachable head? And they actually misplace the thing that provides most of their sensory input and literally controls the actions of their body? That would be a sight. I imagine their face would be blushing... when they finally found it! It would be like in Labyrinth when those guys are like "don't lose your head lady!" Seriously you guys, dementia is a horrifying illness, photos after the jump.











Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Mario Batali Still Has No Catchphrase



This past holiday season, celebrity chef Mario Batali continued to flail in his attempts to coin a catchphrase as ubiquitous and memorable as rival Emeril Lagasse's world-famous "BAM!". The latest attempt came during a dinner party in Manhattan on the 28th of December. While seasoning a fresh swordfish steak for broiling, Batali exclaimed "Now we add da peppaaaah!" in a high pitched shrill as he worked the grinder. Reaction ranged from mild amusement to open contempt, as he never fully won back the respect of his guests. The party disbanded at 7:35 PM, well before the final course had been served.

Por Avión

When the letter carrier dropped off today's correspondence, I was surprised to find a battered, slightly yellowed airmail envelope in the mix. As I broke the wax seal and lifted the flap, a breath of jasmine escaped, instantly transporting me back to a time and place I had worked very hard to forget.


In the mid- 1980's, I was the indentured domestic servant of a wealthy Persian family. We lived in Birjand, where my master had much influence as the most powerful exporter of saffron and barberry in all of South Khorosan. He was a strict man, a physical behemoth, and frequently cruel.

The letter was from a man I knew only as Rumi. He was master's head butler, and had been for many years prior to my arrival. While escaping to my new life in America, it was Rumi who surreptitiously placed me onto the bus to Tehran and sent me away. It was he who felt master's rage that day, he who incurred master's wrath, and he who saved my life.

Dear Young William,

Kabir is no more. With purpose, I do not refer to him as master: no ghost can lord over a living man. He has died alone, in the night, with no family or lover to bid him farewell. I hope the thought of this brings you pleasure.

As his health declined, Kabir searched less and less. The intensity of those first few years was quieted to but a whisper in his final frailty. It is my belief that by the end, he had accepted you as gone. I also believe, however, that you never strayed far from [his] mind.

These photos were found with his personal effects. I hope they find you well clothed and nourished. I will say again the words I left you with all those years ago: Do not fear Kabir. He will never harm you again.

~ Rumi






This photo was taken at the end of February, during the first morning of my seventh year. With the winter thaw came the bleak realization that my parents were very likely dead and I would be stranded in my situation for a very long time. Master Kabir took it himself.




This photo was snapped a few moments later, when Rumi accidentally dropped a tambourine, thus activating it's charms. My distraction is captured here.

We were each severely beaten for our indiscretion.






The final photo was of the monster, Kabir. I'm not sure why Rumi included it. Perhaps it was a final act of kindness and loyalty towards his master, undeserved as it may be.

I was forced to remember, to think of him for the first time in a generation. With he as nothing but a photograph, and I a full grown man, his runaway had finally been reclaimed.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

life is a beautiful wonderful journey


Life always gets harder, like a game. But it's a really fun game because it's always getting harder, like Othello. And sometimes you think you can't take it anymore and you're outnumbered, then things turn around and all of a sudden you're back on top. Like when you make big chip-flipping moves at the end of Othello. Life is like a bunch of green grassy hills with a path that curves up over one hill, then another, and you can sort of see it getting smaller on little hills on the horizon. Then when the roadrunner runs along this road, you see a little cloud of dust moving along, because he runs fast and kicks up a lot of road dust. But life is more like the road in Crusin' USA because you go right through the trunk of a redwood tree. Life has ups and downs, you must learn this, ups and downs, or dips and peaks like a roller coaster, or Dippin' Dots and Pecan Crullers, like a Tedeschis. Life is like when you stick your face in a plaster cast then wash your face with a yardhose. Then your face ends up in a plaster cast gallery next to other plaster casts, like Andre the Giant's hands and Jimi Hendrix' dick. Human life is like a Galic scop walking all over Europe strumming their lyre singing the Beowulf story, because sometimes you eat a bug accidentally when a peasant serves you a sandwich with a bug hidden in it. That bug represents your first kiss. Please, listen to me there are always new lessons to learn in life. That is why life is like a classroom and the classroom is like Zarthura because it's in space. That means the lessons are like Jumanji. Everytime you roll the Jumanji dice a sexy chick blows on your dice first for good luck. When you travel your amazing and unique life journey you struggle to reach higher and higher, like climbing a mountain. When you get to the top of the mountain you throw a handful of pennies, and they fall so fast they go right through the roof of a cab and one goes through a guys foot. That's why they have glass walls there now. That's your life please, beautiful in it's wonderful journeyness.

My Big Time Year Ender


Want to know my favorite things in 2008? Maybe they could be your favorite things!*

Best song: No ones gonna love you Band of Horses

Best album: Stainless Style Neon Neon

Best movie: Synecdoche, NY Charlie Kaufman

Best DVD: Salo Pier Paolo Pasolini

Best commercial: Chalk Mark Romanek

Best novel: Pnin Vladimir Nabokov

Best comic: Black Hole Charles Burns

Best short story: Butterflies John Baker

Best artist: Daniel Eatock

Best website: The Big Picture Boston Globe

Best video game: Guitar Hero World Tour Wii

Best TV show: Awesome Show Tim & Eric

Best restaurant: Papa Ginos

Best bar: Delerium Cafe

*These aren't Serious Lunch's favorite things, just my favorite things y'all

Monday, January 5, 2009

Cantone can't stand Mad Men


LOS ANGELES, CA-- Comedian Mario Cantone certainly isn't a fan of the hit AMC original series Mad Men.
"This guy Don Draper? More like Don Paper! Because I wipe poops off the swolen lips of my asshole with paper!" Cantone told us, refering to the Quilted Northern toilet paper he is so fond of.
The "Sex and the City" star, who once called Marv Albert Marv Albite (in reference to Albert's sexual assault trial), also poked fun at co-star Christina Hendricks' character, saying "This chick Joan Holloway? Hourglass figure right? I'd like to spend and hour or two with her, know what I mean guys? She's more full-figured than Balenciaga's fall collection!"
-Associated Press

Truth in the New Year

  1. You wont have a whole lot of money
  2. The Beatles wont release an album
  3. Slumdog Millionaire will be overrated
  4. Professional sports will continue to outdraw Professional tortes
  5. WWW: Weasel Will Whine
  6. Still no holodeck, still no food replicator
  7. Someone will be better than you at the thing you are best at
  8. Your socks will smell like your foot sweat
  9. You'll come close to finishing something before abandoning it when you realize it's not that funny.