Friday, January 9, 2009

I'm Trying To Convince A Parking Attendant That This Is My Reserved Spot

Well look at that: here I am, at my parking spot. It's got my name right on it. Right here on a little sign - Reserved for Abel Copeland. And that is my name.

You know...It's a good thing I don't have to spend hours circling the lot, looking for a place to park. That's not for me, friend. That's for the birds. You must know it as well as anyone. Shit, man...the things you must witness in here, day in/day out. I have some serious respect for you, friend.

I'm sorry?

Yes, my company has graciously reserved this space for me and my auto. On a semi-permanent basis. If I were ever to stop working for said company then, well...well then mister, they'd probably go right ahead and stop reserving it. Stop reserving this personal parking spot that I'm currently entitled to. But the last time I looked at my W2 it said I still work here, so...ha! Thank...I thank you for making sure this is my parking space.

It feels good inside of me to know that you're here sir, making sure people are parking correctly. One cannot simply park wherever the wind takes him. Make no mistake - I'm well aware of this. Well aware. And with this shopping mall right here, across the street? That all of the kids are likely to frequent? With their cars? God - I bet they just try and park their cars here, don't they...

::looks::

...Ramon.

That's so...just so wrong. If there is no parking at the mall, you should simply drive back home and wait for a better day to do your shopping. That way there's no silliness. No people parking where they shouldn't be parking.That's what my moral compass says at least, Ramon.

You know what? I think I'm going to go into my office now, where my company is. I'm going to go work for my company. I bet you must get all sorts of loonies who say a whole doggone mess of loony business when they park their cars here - right, Ramon? This building behind me ::points with thumb:: this is a building that's just chock full of loony bats, make no mistake about it. I should know, I have to work with them!

What's that?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME, RAMON?

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I KNOW YOU'RE NOT REALLY ASKING ME THAT

Alrighty, Ramon. ::wipes eyes:: You rock. So awesome. You are a man and your are a rock.

OK: you do what you gotta do - I need to be getting to my company now. So I'm going to leave my car right here in my designated parking spot and just get a goin', you feel me? It was a real pleas...




...I.D.?


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