Monday, June 30, 2008

New York Magazine Sucks at Ranking Pixar Movies


To be fair, they suck at everything. Every single thing they undertake is a staggering failure. They are equal opportunity suck-artists, I cannot express this any clearer.

Their record shattering losing streak continues with this list, ranking Pixar's feature-length output. I'd say the only ones I would agree with are Cars being last and Finding Nemo in second. And my number two slot changes regularly, depending on what I've seen most recently. (In other news, I just typed "number two slot". Yuck!)

I've got nothing but love for Monsters Inc., but my favorite Pixar movie thus far has been The Incredibles. These fuckwads ranked it second to last. Balderdash.

Whatevs. Young John saw WALL-E twice this weekend, the prick. I can't wait. I hear it's gunnin' for that number one spot.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Gone Todash

Old Enough to Know My Foibles!

I know, alright? I recognize my own bad character traits. Nobody knows 'em better! Please watch - this will be healthy for both of us!

The Subject...

  1. ...takes too long in the shower
  2. ...is always knocking things over
  3. ...is always spilling things on himself
  4. ...smokes too much
  5. ...doesn't speak the language
  6. ..."basically smells like a fart like all the time"
  7. ...drinks spoiled milk like the newcomers from Alien Nation
  8. ...has the Bond films ranked all out-of-whack (Moonraker #1?)
  9. ...doesn't hide his keef box
  10. ...tries to make preserves but always fucks up
  11. ...talks down to a brother
  12. ...forgets which anecdotes he's already related, and to whom
  13. ...tells everyone he knows each time he gets to third base
  14. ...owns the locker room
  15. ...insists on floor lamps (No overhead lighting)
  16. ...gets moody for silly reasons
  17. ...wont eat cheese
  18. ...wont eat eggs
  19. ...can't photoshop for shit
  20. ...gets upset when his sports teams fare poorly (takes sports too seriously)
  21. ...corrects others' grammar and word choice, unsolicited
  22. ...has "got to have his pops"
  23. ...binges more than he purges
  24. ...likes Of Montreal
  25. ...likes his one grandma more than his other grandma (sorry grandma)

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Way to Go, You've Nailed It LoL



YouTube user Silverb419 on VH-1's "I Love The New Millennium" program.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Those are shitty lyrics bro!

I like that album "Graduation" by Kanye West. I've got about twenty plays on my itunes at home, and a few more on my ipod. The beats are good and the album on a whole is listenable top to bottom. But that guy is a real dooshbag! [sic] He's so full of himself. I don't think he says anything interesting on the album at all.

Yesterday on my way to work I listened to it and wrote down all the lamest things he says:

"I'm like the fly Malcom X"
-Good Morning

"Heard they'd do anything for a Klondike?/
Well I'll do anything for a blonde dyke"
-Stronger

"All the ladies in the house without a spouse/
something in your blouse has got me feeling so roused"
-I Wonder

"Have you ever popped champagne on a plane while getting some brain?
Whipped it out, she said "I ain't never seen snakes on a plane"
-The Good Life

"Damn, these n***a's got me/
I hate these n***a's more than a Nazi"
-Flashing Lights

"They'd rather give me the n***a-please award/
But I'll just take the I-got-alotta-cheese award"
-Everything I Am

"I'm like Gnarls Barkley meets Charles Barkley"
-The Glory

"Yeah that tuxedo might have been a little gweedo/
But with my ego, I can stand there with a speedo/
And still be looked at like a fucking hero"
-The Glory

"Big brother saw me at the bottom of the todum/
Now I'm at the top and everybody on the scrodum"
-Big Brother


lame!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Oh My God, What Did You Do?

Calm down, we just made some new videos.


Monday, June 23, 2008

BLU Makes More Bomb-Ass Animation

How is the lighting so consistent? Crazy.


What You Can Do (1)



  1. Look at these Sea Monsters
  2. Read some Maakies

Friday, June 20, 2008

Anne Hathaway is going to be an ugly older woman

Here is my proof:



Thursday, June 19, 2008

WAAAAH!



Turn your speakers on. Trust me.


:90 of your time.

from simonpanrucker.com

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Maybe the best t-shirt evar


I don't wear t-shirts with the "F-word". That's just me, it's a lifestyle choice. But if you do! Dude!
$29 at Monsieur T.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Esbjorn Svensson RIP

One of my favorite musicians Esbojrn Svensson, pianist in the jazz group E.S.T., died yesterday. I was planning on seeing their show in the city Saturday night.

Thank The Man Jesus I've Got That Liberal Arts Degree



It opens the door to a myriad of amazing career opportunities, like holding a microphone while playing the world's smallest violin.

Idea to pitch to the CW: A family of blonde bombshell sextuplets. Five of the sisters go to school and begin careers in various trades, like law enforcement and nursing. One of the sisters, always different from her siblings, leads a darker and more mysterious "shadow existence", flowing in out of her sister's lives seemingly at random, imparting her hard earned street wisdom to a family that never forgave her for being different.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Islands - Arm's Way



5 Stars. I haven't stopped listening to this since I got it.

Download the album

Friday, June 13, 2008

This guy sucks!

Not Guilty!




Acquitted on all charges

Folk Dogs




Thursday, June 12, 2008

Instructions (9-12)




All the dogs doing handstands on Google images

An unknown scrappy fellow from the Einstein World Journal 05

Spy handstand walking around the neighborhood



Staunch Frank gets a little assistance

Unknown dog in Westport CT at Purina's Beggin' Strips event 01

Wrinkles soaking his paws after an intense handstand session

Badger does a handstand while Bob looks on at Doggone Silly, Las Vegas NV

Unknown Pug standing on hands having a wee

Junior Walking down some stairs

Miss Prissy doing a one-handed at the State Fair

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Artist Maurizio Cattelan

Cattelan was one of the artists featured in the 2004 Biennial. His stuff is funny and, like artist Bob Officer, mostly plays with someones expectations of what they're going to see when they're looking at "Art".



He has a piece at the New Museum opening soon. Check out more of his stuff here

Self Depreciating Childhood Nostalgia pt. 3

I'm a pretty good athlete. I was the captain of my high school varsity baseball team and played a number of seasons in the local youth touch football league. I had a good knowledge of the games I played, and while some of the kids might have been more naturally gifted, physically, my understanding of strategy and situations allowed me to gain an edge as the competition became tougher.

Not so much with Basketball. My pudgy frame was much better suited for the gridiron than the hardwood. I had a decent shot, but I couldn't get up and down like the quicker, lankier kids. All in all, the months between baseball and football season were mostly spent on the bench, keeping score as my teammates battled whatever parish from the CYO we were playing that day. However, the league had a rule that every player needed to play in every game, no exceptions.

I was usually inserted early in the first half, when my presence on the court couldn't affect the eventual outcome of the game. But for whatever reason, once when I was about nine years old, I found myself on the court during a close game at home in the fourth quarter. I remember the crowd as being enormous (though it probably wasn't), and the air being thick with tension. One of the opposing players took a shot that clanked off the rim, and the rebound was coming right towards me. A teammate of his came rushing in from the foul line hoping to snatch it away, but I jumped up and got my hands on it in the split second before he got there. The result was an epic scrum, with each of us trying to wrench the ball away from the other. We struggled for what felt like an eternity, and as I could feel his hands begin to slip, I let out a triumphant bellow:

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!"

The entire place went silent. The members of the roaring crowd had miraculously conspired to take a collective breath at the precise moment I let out my squeaky, pre-pubescent scream.

Then the laughter came. Thunderous. Easily as loud as the cheering had been a few moments prior. I turned red as the ref came over and took the prize I had fought so hard for. It had been ruled a jump ball, and my opponent heard the whistle before I did. That was the only reason he let go.

A couple of girls I knew were at the game, including one I'd had a crush on since Kindergarten. I saw them in the parking lot afterwards, giggling to each other while walking towards Phillies Pizzeria. I stripped off my jersey and got into my dad's car.

Til the day I die, I'll never shake the feeling that they were laughing at me.

Huey Lewis To Firefox

Monday, June 9, 2008

With a Buzz in Our Ears We Play Endlessly


The new Sigur Rós album, Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust, is streaming for free from their site. I have been listening to this album non stop. Bravo boys. I can't remember the last time I listened to an album on repeat like this.

Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust FTW!!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

PLEASE, SIT. LOOK. IT IS OUR FIGERS.

OUR FIGERS, THEY ARE HERE FOREVER.


Friday, June 6, 2008

Things I have learned in my life so far

By Artist Stefan Sagmeister

1. Helping other people helps me.
2. Having guts always works out for me.
3. Thinking that life will be better in the future is stupid. I have to live now.
4. Organizing a charity group is surprisingly easy.
5. Being not truthful always works against me.
6. Everything I do always comes back to me.
7. Assuming is stifling.
8. Drugs feel great in the beginning and become a drag later on.
9. Over time I get used to everything and start taking for granted.
10. Money does not make me happy.
11. My dreams have no meaning.
12. Keeping a diary supports personal development.
13. Trying to look good limits my life.
14. Material luxuries are best enjoyed in small doses.
15. Worrying solves nothing.
16. Complaining is silly. Either act or forget.
17. Everybody thinks they are right.
18. If I want to explore a new direction professionally, it is helpful to try it out for myself first.
19. Low expectations are a good strategy.
20. Everybody who is honest is interesting.

Disaster: No Photoshop


The face of Nikki Cox

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

This is a real place


Meteora in Greece

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Anthony Miale Was Spot-on With His Criticism of Weezer

So, there are only two good songs on Weezer's new album. The two I'd heard already. There are a couple of other decent tracks, but nothing that I would feel comfortable recommending.

My bad, Miale.

PANDAMONIUM



Second from the right, that's my spirit animal.

I've got nothin'

Monday, June 2, 2008

I love my Sega's Thiiiiiiiiiii-

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much!

I watched my Dreamcast do a barrel roll down an entire flight of bare wood stairs. Any other appliance might have elicited a shrug and an ambivalent sigh, but real gamers know the sound of a Sega system being gratuitously destroyed by negligence is worse than the death rattle of a Vietnamese monk being consumed by a raging inerno.

Well, they sure don't build 'em like they used too. This modest white box would survive a trip on Oceanic. I've been waiting patiently for two days for my girlfriend to be conveniently out of the apartment so I can rekindle the old romance between myself and this lovely thing they called Dreamcast. Alas, I hear the patter of gentle feet. For sooth my love. Powerstone, I shall never abandon thee.