To be fair, they suck at everything. Every single thing they undertake is a staggering failure. They are equal opportunity suck-artists, I cannot express this any clearer.
Their record shattering losing streak continues with this list, ranking Pixar's feature-length output. I'd say the only ones I would agree with are Cars being last and Finding Nemo in second. And my number two slot changes regularly, depending on what I've seen most recently. (In other news, I just typed "number two slot". Yuck!)
I've got nothing but love for Monsters Inc., but my favorite Pixar movie thus far has been The Incredibles. These fuckwads ranked it second to last. Balderdash.
Whatevs. Young John saw WALL-E twice this weekend, the prick. I can't wait. I hear it's gunnin' for that number one spot.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
I know, alright? I recognize my own bad character traits. Nobody knows 'em better! Please watch - this will be healthy for both of us!
- ...takes too long in the shower
- ...is always knocking things over
- ...is always spilling things on himself
- ...smokes too much
- ...doesn't speak the language
- ..."basically smells like a fart like all the time"
- ...drinks spoiled milk like the newcomers from Alien Nation
- ...has the Bond films ranked all out-of-whack (Moonraker #1?)
- ...doesn't hide his keef box
- ...tries to make preserves but always fucks up
- ...talks down to a brother
- ...forgets which anecdotes he's already related, and to whom
- ...tells everyone he knows each time he gets to third base
- ...owns the locker room
- ...insists on floor lamps (No overhead lighting)
- ...gets moody for silly reasons
- ...wont eat cheese
- ...wont eat eggs
- ...can't photoshop for shit
- ...gets upset when his sports teams fare poorly (takes sports too seriously)
- ...corrects others' grammar and word choice, unsolicited
- ...has "got to have his pops"
- ...binges more than he purges
- ...likes Of Montreal
- ...likes his one grandma more than his other grandma (sorry grandma)
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
I like that album "Graduation" by Kanye West. I've got about twenty plays on my itunes at home, and a few more on my ipod. The beats are good and the album on a whole is listenable top to bottom. But that guy is a real dooshbag! [sic] He's so full of himself. I don't think he says anything interesting on the album at all.
Yesterday on my way to work I listened to it and wrote down all the lamest things he says:
"I'm like the fly Malcom X"
"Heard they'd do anything for a Klondike?/
Well I'll do anything for a blonde dyke"
"All the ladies in the house without a spouse/
something in your blouse has got me feeling so roused"
"Have you ever popped champagne on a plane while getting some brain?
Whipped it out, she said "I ain't never seen snakes on a plane"
-The Good Life
"Damn, these n***a's got me/
I hate these n***a's more than a Nazi"
"They'd rather give me the n***a-please award/
But I'll just take the I-got-alotta-cheese award"
-Everything I Am
"I'm like Gnarls Barkley meets Charles Barkley"
"Yeah that tuxedo might have been a little gweedo/
But with my ego, I can stand there with a speedo/
And still be looked at like a fucking hero"
"Big brother saw me at the bottom of the todum/
Now I'm at the top and everybody on the scrodum"
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
It opens the door to a myriad of amazing career opportunities, like holding a microphone while playing the world's smallest violin.
Idea to pitch to the CW: A family of blonde bombshell sextuplets. Five of the sisters go to school and begin careers in various trades, like law enforcement and nursing. One of the sisters, always different from her siblings, leads a darker and more mysterious "shadow existence", flowing in out of her sister's lives seemingly at random, imparting her hard earned street wisdom to a family that never forgave her for being different.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Cattelan was one of the artists featured in the 2004 Biennial. His stuff is funny and, like artist Bob Officer, mostly plays with someones expectations of what they're going to see when they're looking at "Art".
He has a piece at the New Museum opening soon. Check out more of his stuff here
I'm a pretty good athlete. I was the captain of my high school varsity baseball team and played a number of seasons in the local youth touch football league. I had a good knowledge of the games I played, and while some of the kids might have been more naturally gifted, physically, my understanding of strategy and situations allowed me to gain an edge as the competition became tougher.
Not so much with Basketball. My pudgy frame was much better suited for the gridiron than the hardwood. I had a decent shot, but I couldn't get up and down like the quicker, lankier kids. All in all, the months between baseball and football season were mostly spent on the bench, keeping score as my teammates battled whatever parish from the CYO we were playing that day. However, the league had a rule that every player needed to play in every game, no exceptions.
I was usually inserted early in the first half, when my presence on the court couldn't affect the eventual outcome of the game. But for whatever reason, once when I was about nine years old, I found myself on the court during a close game at home in the fourth quarter. I remember the crowd as being enormous (though it probably wasn't), and the air being thick with tension. One of the opposing players took a shot that clanked off the rim, and the rebound was coming right towards me. A teammate of his came rushing in from the foul line hoping to snatch it away, but I jumped up and got my hands on it in the split second before he got there. The result was an epic scrum, with each of us trying to wrench the ball away from the other. We struggled for what felt like an eternity, and as I could feel his hands begin to slip, I let out a triumphant bellow:
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!"
The entire place went silent. The members of the roaring crowd had miraculously conspired to take a collective breath at the precise moment I let out my squeaky, pre-pubescent scream.
Then the laughter came. Thunderous. Easily as loud as the cheering had been a few moments prior. I turned red as the ref came over and took the prize I had fought so hard for. It had been ruled a jump ball, and my opponent heard the whistle before I did. That was the only reason he let go.
A couple of girls I knew were at the game, including one I'd had a crush on since Kindergarten. I saw them in the parking lot afterwards, giggling to each other while walking towards Phillies Pizzeria. I stripped off my jersey and got into my dad's car.
Til the day I die, I'll never shake the feeling that they were laughing at me.
Monday, June 9, 2008
The new Sigur Rós album, Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust, is streaming for free from their site. I have been listening to this album non stop. Bravo boys. I can't remember the last time I listened to an album on repeat like this.
Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust FTW!!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
By Artist Stefan Sagmeister
1. Helping other people helps me.
2. Having guts always works out for me.
3. Thinking that life will be better in the future is stupid. I have to live now.
4. Organizing a charity group is surprisingly easy.
5. Being not truthful always works against me.
6. Everything I do always comes back to me.
7. Assuming is stifling.
8. Drugs feel great in the beginning and become a drag later on.
9. Over time I get used to everything and start taking for granted.
10. Money does not make me happy.
11. My dreams have no meaning.
12. Keeping a diary supports personal development.
13. Trying to look good limits my life.
14. Material luxuries are best enjoyed in small doses.
15. Worrying solves nothing.
16. Complaining is silly. Either act or forget.
17. Everybody thinks they are right.
18. If I want to explore a new direction professionally, it is helpful to try it out for myself first.
19. Low expectations are a good strategy.
20. Everybody who is honest is interesting.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
I watched my Dreamcast do a barrel roll down an entire flight of bare wood stairs. Any other appliance might have elicited a shrug and an ambivalent sigh, but real gamers know the sound of a Sega system being gratuitously destroyed by negligence is worse than the death rattle of a Vietnamese monk being consumed by a raging inerno.
Well, they sure don't build 'em like they used too. This modest white box would survive a trip on Oceanic. I've been waiting patiently for two days for my girlfriend to be conveniently out of the apartment so I can rekindle the old romance between myself and this lovely thing they called Dreamcast. Alas, I hear the patter of gentle feet. For sooth my love. Powerstone, I shall never abandon thee.