Monday, May 19, 2008

Self Depreciating Childhood Nostalgia pt. 2

One time at school, way back in the day (I couldn't have been more than 6 years old), I pissed all over my jeans. I don't recall what went wrong exactly, but I don't remember it being a case of 'not being able to hold it'. If I'm right, I think it was just a completely botched attempt at peeing into something that wasn't my pants.

Anyway, I'm racking my brain trying to figure out how to explain this thing away once I get back to class. Nothing is coming. I'm at the door of the room, and I have to go back in, right? (I'm six, I am unfamiliar with "cutting class").

I try to sit down quickly and not draw attention to myself, to no avail. I have this conversation with a girl who might have been my friend Shannon, but I don't really remember:

Her - Why are your pants all wet?
Me - These pants?
Her - Yeah, your pants. Why are they all wet?
Me - Oh...

Gotta think, gotta think, gotta think

Me - My pants? Well, we can't afford a dryer at my house, just a washing machine. So my mom sends me to school in wet pants and my body heat dries them.
Her - Really?
Me - Yes.

Swish. So I threw my mom under the bus because I couldn't aim my urine stream properly. I'm lucky I didn't try that line on the teacher or children's services would have had some questions for my parents that evening.