Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Xavier: Renegade Angel

A new Adult Swim show from the guys that did Wonder Showzen

via The Apiary

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

An Unsavory Conversation I Had With The Lights Out Right Before Falling Asleep

INT. - Bedroom - Night

Complete darkness and silence. Broken by a female voice...

"Ugh, do you smell that?"


"Ugh! It smells like farts."

"Yeah, it's not a good smell"

"What is it?"

He sits up to smell the comforter, thinking it may stink following the previous weekend's house party.

"It's not the blanket. I don't know. It's probably just Greenpoint."

"Yeah, probably. Phew!"

They lay back down.

The same female voice, moments later.

"It really does smell. It smells like Chip Farts"


"You know, Chip Farts?"

"No, I don't know what Chip Farts are."

"It's like...God, what's it like?"

"I don't know. Don't try and describe it"

"No. I'm going to try."

"Please don't."

"It's like, there are two kinds of farts. There's the ones that just smell disgusting. Like 'Oh God That's Disgusting'."


"And then there are the kinds of farts that are just unpleasant, you know? Like you smell them and you're like 'Yuck, who farted?' It's a bad smell but its not like, awful. It's like the smell you get when you open a bag of chips. You're like 'Ugh, who's got Chip Farts?' Like someone was eating chips. Do you know what I mean?"

"No, not at all."


"Not even a little. Go to bed."


Monday, October 29, 2007

Soon-to-be YouTube Hit: "The Christmas Tree"

From YouTube account "MittyMoo". It looks like it's only one guy. This is one of the funniest internet videos I've ever seen.

Update: The videos are made by sketch comedy group The Dregs (link to their myspace)

Via Kat, Lauren, and Amy

Friday, October 26, 2007


Look at this blog.

LOLCats without the humor.

I got nothin'.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Why I Try To Give People A Fair Shake

I always try to give people a fair shake, you know? Part of it is that sense of the Grand Moral Obligation, you know? That since I'm trying to give you a fair shake, I gotta assume you're over there thinking the same. I have to embrace it, you know, and just say to myself that you're over there and you're saying to yourself "Hey numbnuts, let's give this other numbnuts over here a fair shake for once in his miserable fucking life, you know?" That there, that's the kind of thinking that let the cavemen stop beating the shit out of each other and start farming crops. They finally stopped pissing all over each other and cooperated 'cause some fucking caveman was smart enough to give the hairy savage approaching him a fair shake. And that's going out on a limb right there, if you're that caveman. That other caveman probably would have fucked him up under most circumstances. Fucked him up right good.

But it worked and they made crops and cats and dogs came and they gave them food so that they would shut the fuck up and stop eating the shit they didn't want them to eat. And the cats and dogs think to themself "look at this motherfucker giving a lowly mammal like me, somebody thats hustlin' for every meal that passes between these lips, this fucking guy is giving me, dog or cat, a fair shake". And that makes an impression. That's why we have dogs and cats now.

So a lot of that shit is bangin' around in my head when I'm encountering somebody. And that makes up alot of why I try to give people a fair shake, and why I'm gonna continue to act as such and what not.

And my old man also told me I oughta give people a fair shake. And the old man, he...I don't know. I'll just say that I listen to what he has to say. And then give you a 'wink' in a fashion that'll convey to you that there's more to what I said then might meet the eye.

ear. sorry.

I'm sorry.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Test Your Sights!

On Goilz!

via digg

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Tuesday. Damn it.

This article describes how I feel right now. It's like when I watch Friends with my friends. I can relate to that. I think I'd be the hot one.

Damn it again.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Women's Needs, Whatever

From The New York Times, full-body collapsible urban camouflage for women who need to evade an attacker.

If you fall for this U R Worst Rapist Evar!

For your ears:

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Why Do You Surf?

Me, personally? The reason I surf is because I like the feeling of critical double-grab floaters and dropping in on guys. Also so I can cruz with all da boyz, help uncles snap at kooks, and send ‘em in. Switchfoot barrels are my pride to surfing. I’m all about snapping boards on the shorebreak and getting worked on closeouts.

Now You Know

Entry Two in my series - Fucked up stuff about Dogs on Wikihow.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Overheard in My Office Today

"I just saw this video on YouTube by the band OK Go. It's like these four guys choreographed on treadmills. It's really cool. Have you seen it? Just go to YouTube and type OK Go."

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Fuzzy Freaky

Lately, amongst my friends capable of growing thick hair on their faces, many are actively doing so (that includes you, Agnes. Get a fucking wax, I'm sorry).

So I've decided to grow a beard. I'll probably be sick of it before long, but for now it's nice. I'm getting in touch with something primal. I looka lika man.

Also - Young John got an Ab-Roller. That thing is deadly effective. I did ten "roll-a-roos" (the official term) last night and I felt like the guy in Alien right before the creature comes ripping out of his guttywurks.

Anyway, I might take a picture of my beard in a day or two and let the fanbase (both of you) vote on whether I keep it or not.

How's that strike ya? Pretty gay? Alright.

I use parenthesis a lot in my writing (I noticed).

For your ears:

The Life and Death of Jesse James

Here is a terrific non-fiction account of some really fucked up internet socializing. No spoilers, just read it. I was entertained.

Monday, October 15, 2007

To Cause Nausea

1. Skip breakfast because you're in a rush to get to work and finish up some personal business before your day starts.

2. Receive enough assignments that you will be unable to stop for food until 2:00. You are very hungry.

3.Go to the deli and order a sandwich: a banana is a healthy accessory to your meal.

4. Begin to eat the banana as you leave the deli. Notice all the brown marks where the banana has become too ripe, however it is still edible.

5. Look at the man sitting on the ground in the warm fall sunlight on the corner of 33rd and Broadway. Watch as he uses a pumice stone to grind the stump just below his knee where the rest of his leg once was. Watch him pause and spit a thick opaque wad of saliva on his stump. The string of saliva will not detach from his mouth. He grabs it. Think about the banana in your mouth as he then rubs the saliva all over his stump and continues to grind it with the pumice stone. Do not look away because for the few seconds it takes to see this you are not sure what you're looking at. Smell his body as you walk by; it will not be difficult to locate this scent. Feel the banana in your mouth and think about the brown spots.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Halloween Costume for BIll

Friday, October 12, 2007

Halloween Costume for Bob

Halloween costume for Anthony

Thursday, October 11, 2007


This T-Shirt makes me LoL! (lower case O for added levity). It's from the merch shop of my favorite daily webcomic, Achewood.

You should read it, but that's for another web log.

Google Search History

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

In Rainbows

I'm listening to a new Radiohead album this morning. I only get to say that once every few years.

I paid more than a cent and less than what buying it in a store would've run me. A couple hundred thousand more like me and you can consider the experiment a success, I'd reckon.

I've listened to it once through. It's a very loose sounding record, like they sat in the same room and recorded the songs live. Very jazzy at times, plenty of synthesized beats and bleeps and bloops, but lots of live instrumentation too. Some of the songs sound like they'd be at home on Amnesiac or Hail to the Thief, but the majority of it doesn't evoke any of their previous releases. It's not really a new direction in their sound, but its distinct. It sounds like Radiohead, which is enough. I can't wait to hear the 8 bonus songs coming in December on the big fancy release (which I have yet to order).

Highlights - 15 Step, Nude, Faust Arp, Jigsaw Falling Into Place.

I'm going to listen to it again, now. Thank you.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Halloween Costume For Tim

Monday, October 8, 2007

Halloween costume for John

Saturday, October 6, 2007


Lately I feel as if I only read what Oprah tells me too...

Friday, October 5, 2007

Showalter is a funny guy

Thursday, October 4, 2007

On Being a Nerd

Well this is just cool. I would wear an 8-bit tie. Though the hipster looks kinda sad with it on.

Order here

Wednesday, October 3, 2007


Yo Grodos. This is possibly my favorite Dethklok song. It's on the deluxe edition of their new album.

A lil after a minute into it listen to what Nathan Explosion will do to you. Or just listen to the whole song.

Monday, October 1, 2007

"Are you ready to hear the new hotness?"

-Tim B.
Berkeley, CA

Visa "Life Takes" Wrap-up: Serious Lunch didn't win a prize, but Britty was the first film screened on Saturday evening, and one of the top ten in competition as selected by the judges. All in all a great time, from top to bottom. Pictures coming if Tim decides to post them. He might, but I don't know. He's dark.